my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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