That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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