I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You were trust falling into bushes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
