I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
