Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
