I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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