He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
