FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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