we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
