An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
