I only kidnapped one of them. chill
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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