I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
