I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
