What did we do last night that was yellow?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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