Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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