you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
