u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
