I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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