We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she pinky promised me she was 18
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
