is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
