they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
