Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
