Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
