I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
