well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
