Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize