thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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