there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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