I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
