'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
