She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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