Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
