I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
