Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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