i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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