I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can I color on your dick again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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