Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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