I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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