i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
