I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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