What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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