Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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