Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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