So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
