Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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