I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
