I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
