Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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