you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
