I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
