if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
