the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
