Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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