I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
