why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
