They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
