Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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