I think I am morally bankrupt
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He has the fingertips of a God
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