Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
