Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
