Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you made out with another girl for some wings
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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