I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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