I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
