maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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