there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
