I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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