my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
