i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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