i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize