google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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