She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if i can run in heels then i can drive
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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