I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
