i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize