the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk is not a location!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
